You're completely useless in the revolution.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
