I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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