You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
