You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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