I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
