That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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