woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
