so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
