I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
