she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
