That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
