I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
