I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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