i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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