doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
