i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
