Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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