I hate all girls vehemently.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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