He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
