Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
is it fun? or sober?
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