I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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