He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I woke up under a house in Key West
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