so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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