now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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