i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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