I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
