i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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