first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
