i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
