.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
