laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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