life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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