I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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