im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
