I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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