I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize