Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
