sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
