My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
