worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
