Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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