I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
