i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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