if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
