white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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