oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
