I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
