You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
