he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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