Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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