omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize