When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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