are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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