Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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