What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Randomize
