I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize