at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
