may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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