thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
