Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
