i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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