so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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