Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
