It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
