Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
