I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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