come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
