Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
