We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
