shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
