I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
