Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
