Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
