Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
